One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
