Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
