its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
