member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize