Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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