if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
