Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me too!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
