don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize