she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
