when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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