Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
