I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
