You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
