Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
