Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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