Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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