Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
