Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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