They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this just has baby written all over it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
