I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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