come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
