While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
