Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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