I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
