For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
