I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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