fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
