So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
