you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
