I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
