i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
