Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
