I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
