theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
