we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just cropdusted the office
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
