He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I am morally bankrupt
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
