I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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