Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
