How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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