And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
