I CAN MOONWALK!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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