I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
