DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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