if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
