lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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