The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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