I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
