Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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