I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
