Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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