I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
