so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize