I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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