If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
