i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
