My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
