Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
