Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
