Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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