are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize