I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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