I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
