Whod you bang
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
