youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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