I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize