Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
