I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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