happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
