i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
