i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
