I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
