where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
