Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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