i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize