he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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