I accidentally burped into my bong.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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