I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
