I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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