Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
