im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
