Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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