dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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