i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize