Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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