I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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