Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
