I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
