Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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