if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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