His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want a musical about memes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
