Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize