garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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