I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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