All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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