God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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