At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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